Caution: Highly Pidgin!

So last week Friday was a kinda junk day. Nemmine, was one huge junk day. Jass stuff.

So I wen go moe, finally, about 1 a.m. About 4 a.m., I wen turn ova, and wen feel one sharp pain in my left litto finga. OW!!!! I mean, da bugga really stay hurting! So I wen open da light attached to da headboard (cuz right now da overhead light stay broke) but no could see nothing. Jass wen feel dis terrible pain.

I wen close da light, when alla sudden I wen feel sometin else, dis time ho, da pain in my right forearm. Den OMG, I wen feel something crawling!!!

I wen shriek so loud da doggie wen start barking, da pōpoki wen fly off da bed, and I wen leap outa bed so fass!! If Funniest Home Videos was dea, I would win da ten tousand dollahs foa dat one!

I seen sometin crawling on Kukui’s bed, so I wen grab da wooden da kine I use foa open and close da window above da bed, den wen smash dat ting like crazy! But becuz da light no stay overhead, I no could tell wat was.

First I wen make one paste of meat tenderiza and watah, cuz dat’s good foa drawing out any kine poison. Den I wen come into da office hea and wen look up “insect bites”, and saw sometin about brown recluse spiders and black widows. Um… scuze? Brown recluse??? Eek!!

Hmmm… da brown recluse can be dangerous, so I wen ask Nolemana foa come upstairs (he was sick so was sleeping down dea so he no germ me to death) and try look wat was dat bug. By dis time, my litto finga and my arm so dang soa, and had anodda place on my left upper arm too. Had two swelling-up places on my finga, four on my right arm, and one on my left arm.

Nolemana wen look, and dat stupid ting still alive! Barely, but alive. He wen make um makhediedead, den wen pick um up wit one paper towel, and was one yellow jacket! Dat stupid ting wen sting me seven times! And ho da pain!!

We wen go back to bed aftah throroughly checking for make shua get nomo of dem ebil tings. We figga it wen hibernate insai da woodpile, den wen come in wit da wood we use foa da woodstove, anden wen come alive in da moa warm hale temperature, but how it wen get into da bed is beyond me. I wen lie dea in bed, my arms and finga throbbing like crazy, but finally wen go moe again, afta thoroughly checking foa make shua da yellow jacket neva wen bring in his entiya ‘ohana.

My arm and finga wen stay soa five days, den wen start foa itch. My friend Linda wen tell me about Bendadryl gel, and dat really wen help. I could see alla welts wea da yellow jacket wen sting me still yet, and my right arm still stay small kine red.

So dat is my tale of woe. Send poi.