These ones are nothing like da ones back home, but they’re driving me just as nutz. At first I thought they were gnats, but oh no, they are fruit flies absolutely determined to make a mockery of all my efforts to get rid of them.

Yesterday Julie was over here for spinnin’ on da deck day; I fixed lunch, put all the food away, no dirty dishes anywhere, and when we came back in my sink was black with the blasted things. “Oh,” Julie said, “You’ve had a hatching!” Hatching? Did I ask for a hatching? Couldn’t it have been another kind of hatching, like maybe a money hatching? You know, dollah bills floating all ova da kitchen begging me to notice them? Or let’s see, maybe menehune volunteering to clean my house and do the laundry? Menehune hatching. Sounds good to me. Same like dollah bill hatching. But no, I had to get fruit flies!

I sprayed Clorox Clean-Up Bleach da kine on ’em. I became a fruit fly murderer. It worked great and I had no remorse at all. Kill ’em all is my motto. I cleaned off the countertops and sprayed them. Put the gigantor zucchini in the fridge. Cleaned every single thing I could, even the dog’s food dish which she’d already licked clean.

But today they’re back. Not as bad as yesterday, but still here. We had to put the garbage in a sealed can outside because the stinkin’ things were getting in there, even if it was just paper. They love my espresso machine They love my faucet. They love the fronts of my cupboards and my windows. They have nothing more to eat! No malasadas lying around. No fruit. Why are they called fruit flies if they’re trying to eat my cupboards and my faucet? Why not call them faucet flies?

My friend Linda suggested spraying them with hair spray so I no take chance with bleach getting on something. Tried that too and it immobilized them. Serves them right. Let ’em squirm till they’re mahkediedead. Starve them out.

Oh great. Now they’re on my computer screen.