The Fruit Fly Murderer

These ones are nothing like da ones back home, but they’re driving me just as nutz. At first I thought they were gnats, but oh no, they are fruit flies absolutely determined to make a mockery of all my efforts to get rid of them.

Yesterday Julie was over here for spinnin’ on da deck day; I fixed lunch, put all the food away, no dirty dishes anywhere, and when we came back in my sink was black with the blasted things. “Oh,” Julie said, “You’ve had a hatching!” Hatching? Did I ask for a hatching? Couldn’t it have been another kind of hatching, like maybe a money hatching? You know, dollah bills floating all ova da kitchen begging me to notice them? Or let’s see, maybe menehune volunteering to clean my house and do the laundry? Menehune hatching. Sounds good to me. Same like dollah bill hatching. But no, I had to get fruit flies!

I sprayed Clorox Clean-Up Bleach da kine on ’em. I became a fruit fly murderer. It worked great and I had no remorse at all. Kill ’em all is my motto. I cleaned off the countertops and sprayed them. Put the gigantor zucchini in the fridge. Cleaned every single thing I could, even the dog’s food dish which she’d already licked clean.

But today they’re back. Not as bad as yesterday, but still here. We had to put the garbage in a sealed can outside because the stinkin’ things were getting in there, even if it was just paper. They love my espresso machine They love my faucet. They love the fronts of my cupboards and my windows. They have nothing more to eat! No malasadas lying around. No fruit. Why are they called fruit flies if they’re trying to eat my cupboards and my faucet? Why not call them faucet flies?

My friend Linda suggested spraying them with hair spray so I no take chance with bleach getting on something. Tried that too and it immobilized them. Serves them right. Let ’em squirm till they’re mahkediedead. Starve them out.

Oh great. Now they’re on my computer screen.

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4 Responses to The Fruit Fly Murderer

  1. Kim says:

    In Hawaii, I found they used to breed in the disposal. So I put ice, like a whole sinkload of ice cubes in, and just let it sit overnight to freeze ’em. That seemed to work. We have a few here in GA, but NOTHING like the ones in HI. I was weirded out at first at how bug-free my house seemed, here. There are plenny bugs, but everything is relative.

  2. I have a couple old time remedies fr that.

    One that I have not tried is to put three copper pennies in water, in a ziplock bag (abut 1/3rd full of water) then fasten them up on a wall.

    One that worked for me was to put apple cider vinegar and a small squirt of soap into a glass jar, then put plastic wrap over the top with a rubber band. Then poke some little holes in the plastic.

    the vinegar smells like rotting fruit and attracts them. The soap breaks the surface bond on the liquid, and the gnats drown.

  3. Lisa Milliman says:

    “There was a little fly, he flew into the store
    He do it on the table, he do it on the floor
    He do it on the eggs, he do it on the ham
    He do it on the head of the little grocery man…”

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