I am on a journey. It’s not always easy, and most of the time it’s extremely painful. There are times when I cry out to God saying, “I just can’t do this anymore”, but what I really mean is, right at this moment I don’t feel as if I can do it anymore.” Big difference. This journey means taking a really hard look at those hidden places in my past and learning to become “transformed by the renewing of my mind”.
Some days are far more difficult than others. Some days I’d prefer to keep the illusion, thank you very much. But mostly, I want to know the truth. I don’t keep things hidden on purpose; getting to those inward places takes a lot of hard work. Sometimes I don’t even realize that stuff is hidden ‘way deep inside.
I’ve had friends who decided that the journey is just too hard. They got to a certain point and just stopped, preferring to live with chaos than to face those deep, painful places. I totally understand why they just don’t feel they can continue. But I am a sojourner, a pilgrim. I am not a quitter. There is this God-given flame burning deep inside that keeps me going, that won’t let me quit. Those hidden places within me need God’s light to shine on them, and I know that He will continue to give me beauty for ashes as I walk this sometimes very lonely path.
Angel’s Trumpet flower just starting to open.