A Mānoa Girl's Bloggie

Last Thursday I began a grief class led by Joanne Petrie to help me deal with my grief about my mom’s death. I feel privileged to be taking the class from her; I’ve heard her on the radio a lot and she speaks from experience about finding hope after loss. Continue reading →

Tonight I wen go out onto da deck; alla pua stay blooming so nani and I wanted foa take photos. Yesterday I wen start dis grief class, and ho da intense! So tonight I like just relax wit alla pua and bring some beauty into my sadness. Continue reading →

…stay gone. I wen eat um tonight! Two minutes in da microwave: perfect!! I LOVE whackin’ wat I wen grow!

Wat? Dat’s it? Yep!

…my mom suddenly took a turn for the worse and ended up back in the hospital.

A year ago today…

…I bought a plane ticket to California for the next day to be with her and my siblings.

A year ago today…

…I changed my ticket twice trying to get there sooner.

A year ago today…

…it appeared that mom was rallying, so I changed my flight plans till the next day at a much reduced price.

A year ago today…

…I got the call that it appeared she’d had a bad stroke.

A year ago today…

…my brother called to say things didn’t look good and that I should get down there right away.

A year ago today…

…I found out that the last plane had already left Portland and there would be no flights till the next morning.

A year ago today…

…I frantically threw the rest of my things in a suitcase planning to drive down as fast as I could.

A year ago today…

…my daughter Leilani offered to go with me that night so that Nolemana could stay home and run the business.

A year ago today…

…fireworks began to light up the sky.

…at almost the exact time that I’m writing this, I drove down the driveway, crying, praying, that I would get there in time to say goodbye.

A year ago today…

…as I drove through Damascus, crying, fireworks were going off right next to the road.

A year ago today…

…I watched the brilliance of the fireworks along the freeway.

A year ago today…

…I picked up Leilani at the Wilsonville rest stop.

A year ago today…

…together we marvelled at the array of fireworks’ colors going off in every direction along I-5.

A year ago today…

…we prayed together, crying, that we’d be able to get there in time.

A year ago today…

…we wondered how people could be celebrating. Didn’t they know my mother, her grandmother, was dying?

A year ago today…

…at 9:30 p.m., just as we got to Salem, my brother called and said our mom was gone.

A year ago today…

…Leilani and I went back to our homes with plans to start again in the morning, packed for a longer trip.

A year ago today…

…my mother died.

And fireworks are again lighting up the sky…

…and I sit out on the deck, remembering.

Outside my window… Da sun is shining and it’s choke hot

I am thinking… about my mom and Saturday coming

I am thankful for… my friends, my hānai sistas

From the kitchen… Fresh gigantic Bing cherries!

I am wearing… shorts and one puka shirt

I am creating… a stronger me

I am going… to get through this

I am reading… Motherless Daughters

I am hoping… that my veggie garden produces well

I am hearing… Lei Mānoa by Hapa

Around the house…I am still trying to declutter

One of my favorite things…is singing in Hawaiian and understanding what the words say

A few plans for the rest of the week: Seeing a friend tomorrow, going to the gym, spending time with Julie on Saturday, sitting out on the deck in my mom’s white wicker rocker and looking out over the valley and hoping I will get through Saturday okay.

Thank you, Remote Treechanger, for this great idea!

Outside my window… The sun is shining and the birds are singing.

I am thinking… About the first anniversary of mom’s death coming up

I am thankful for… the house I live in with its amazing view

From the kitchen… umm… not a whole lot today; though I made a huge mac salad for a potluck tonight

I am wearing… puka shorts and a T-shirt that says “Haleakala Diary”

I am creating… organization out of chaos. I hope.

I am going… to a church potluck tonight

I am reading… Motherless Daughters

I am hoping… I can get a handle on this chaos

I am hearing… birds singing and a fountain in my office

Around the house… more clutter

One of my favorite things… Veggies growing in the garden

A few plans for the rest of the week: Getting through it