So first this happened.

Then this.

I thought that’d be the end of it. But oh no, it wasn’t.

Yesterday, while trying to change a medical appointment with a virtual assistant, because at that time, it was the only way I could do it, I had to say my first and last name. I did. “Sorry, your name doesn’t fit the parameters”, I was told. “Please repeat your name.” I did. “Sorry, your name doesn’t fit the parameters”, I was told again. “Please try again.” “Sorry, your name doesn’t fit the parameters”, came the now redundant message. So next, the fake person at the other end of the line said, “Please say only your first name and do not include your last name.” I did that, too. “”Sorry, your name doesn’t fit the parameters”, came the now-familiar message. “Please try again.”

By this time, I was feeling a bit antagonistic towards this lolo voice in my ear. I know this wouldn’t have happened if I’d been back home, I think, unless the virtual da kine was FOB or haole. Or both. But trying to be cooperative, I said my name again. Only my first name. Mokihana. Guess what I heard in my headset. “Sorry, your name doesn’t fit the parameters. Please try again”. Okay, one last time, I decided. I said my name. Mokihana. “Thank you”, I heard. “This is your name, correct? Makichohonda.”

I gave up.